What If You Learned to Love Yourself?

Sara Westbrook

There is so much pressure today to look a certain way, to be a certain way. Thoughts of, ‘If only I had their body or their life, then my life would be perfect!’ seem to be a common way of thinking. It is one thing to look at people for inspiration that will help us be the best we can, to get in shape and eat healthier. However, it is another to look at others in envy because we want to be them instead of ourselves.

We begin to judge ourselves at a young age and then compare ourselves to others in a negative approach. Television and magazines inundate us with pictures of the ideal body. Last week, I was standing in line at the grocery store and there it was…an article asking us to judge which celebrity had the best ‘backside’.

As a teenager and a young adult, judging and comparing myself to others seemed to come naturally. Most of the time, I felt I couldn’t measure up. Judging myself so harshly ignited a war between my body and me. I was rejecting my body and my true self at an alarming rate.

Although I wore a smile and appeared confident on the outside – inside I was overwhelmed, disappointed and bitter. This type of thinking was quickly leading me down the path of low self-confidence.

It was scary not knowing how I would become a strong and confident young woman who loved ‘the skin she was in.’ I really wanted and needed to believe that it was possible..

My mind kept telling me over and over that if I had thinner legs, a smaller bum, and bigger boobs, everything would be great. I found it hard to even enjoy my day with all the negative thoughts racing through my head. Being so consumed with my body was causing me to miss out on the things that were really important like family and friends who loved me unconditionally. Even when I received compliments, I denied hearing them because my own loveless, judging thoughts were turned up to full volume.

I always used to compare myself to one of my best friends who had long thin legs. I thought that she had perfect legs and since my legs were bigger and shorter, that meant mine were not beautiful. My friend and I had totally different body types and bone structures. Comparing myself to her was ridiculous – it wasn’t going to change anything – it wasn’t going to make my legs longer or thinner.

It got to a point where I didn’t even want to look at my legs. I hated them. I always covered them up and while I was showering, I didn’t wash them. I would just let the water run over them. I resented them so much I didn’t even want to touch them.

One day when I was complaining about my legs my Mum said, “Cut them off. Then you won’t have to look at them anymore.”

I thought, “Cut my legs off. That’s ridiculous. I won’t be able to walk, run, wear my favourite boots, and paint my toes.”

Then it hit me…I wasn’t grateful for what I had. I didn’t want to live in self-rejection anymore. I knew I needed to start appreciating my legs, to be grateful to them. They weren’t long and thin, but they walked, ran, skipped – they took me to where I wanted to go whatever I wanted to do.

Slowly I began to recognize that I was wasting so much time and energy criticizing myself that I was missing out on so much beauty in the world…mine included.

I didn’t like the way my mind was so negative towards my body. I didn’t like the person I was becoming.

Young Sara Westbrook

One day I decided to post pictures of myself as a little girl all around my room. I chose to post ones from ages three to eight. In these photos, I saw a young girl who loved life, who smiled just because she could. She didn’t worry about how much she weighed, how big her thighs or bum were.

I also started to surround myself with people and role models that had a healthy body image. People who enjoyed themselves ultimately love themselves and their life. They didn’t long for perfection – they enjoy the obstacles that life provides.

I needed to remember that carefree, little girl who still lived inside me. I needed to nurture her. Adopting an attitude of gratitude was what I needed to do.

So, I took all the parts of my body that bothered me and wrote in my journal all the reasons I was grateful to them. It wasn’t easy. At first, my mind was so programmed to focus on the reasons why not to be grateful. When that negative, non appreciating ‘little voice’ in my head would pipe up with some pessimistic thought, I chose to make my own ‘gratitude voice’ louder!

It is an ongoing process. Even to this day, I have to keep being conscious of the thoughts I choose to hold and believe in myself. It is very easy to lean towards believing the negative ones.

Self rejection is a dark place to be and there is a fine line between here (the healthy, self confident me) and there (the critical, self consumed me). When I ask myself,
‘Do I really want to go back to that dark, lonely place just so I can fit into those jeans?’ I think about it for a moment, and I say to myself, ‘No way!’

Choose your thoughts wisely or they will choose you. In the end the only opinion that truly matter is your own. Choose not to let a tabloid magazine, a negative opinion or event Define who you are. You define yourself. The world needs your unique self – not a copy of someone else.

It can be overwhelming at first, but take it one step at a time and one thought at a time.